I got my koi tattoo right after I got married, which felt like a victory in life, and I wanted to mark how far I’d come. I named it Yoshi after my favorite koi fish we’d had growing up. Yoshi ended up playing a part in saving my life. I got Yoshi because koi symbolize courage in the Japanese tattoo culture. And I’ve been through hell in my life and come out stronger, but then haven’t we all?
My Son’s Birth Story
When Sebby was born by emergency c-section, I had been doing well so they sent us both home. Unfortunately, I ended up back in the hospital by ambulance three days later. I was bleeding out because my stitches had dissolved too fast (with an autoimmune disease, I’m a very slow healer).
All that bleeding left a hematoma (basically a large blood clot) which the doctor wanted my body to reabsorb. They monitored me for a few days, but the hematoma became infected and the doctor decided to extract it. The extraction surgery was risky and I ended up in ICU for a couple days.
The Second Stay
In total, my second hospital stay lasted two weeks and I was on Dilaudid (a heavy pain reliever) for most of it. I felt horrible most of the time, but never so horrible as when they took me off the Dilaudid. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t have any fight left in me either. I was just so damn tired…
BUT I had my new baby who could visit during visiting hours and I had Yoshi when Sebby couldn’t be there. I especially need my tattoo during the long nights of the fevers that wouldn’t break. Yoshi reminded me that I’d been through hell before and I could do it again. This is what I do. This is who I am. I have courage. I am strong. I can get out of this place. I can get home to my son.
UPDATE: I’m divorced now, which is another story of hell and courage for another post another day. However, it does not change how I felt about my marriage then.
What is your story of courage? How did you get to hell and back?